Show Your Patriotic Spirit This Semiquincentennial (Try Saying That after Three Beers)
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock—or more likely, stuck on a rock on the Rubicon—you know the U.S. is throwing the mother of all birthday parties: our 250th. Everywhere you look it’s red, white, blue, and “250” slapped on everything like an overeager toddler with stickers. Businesses are doing 250 specials. Towns are doing 250 parades. Your neighbor’s doing 250 fireworks (and probably 250 noise complaints).
At Badlands Off-Road Adventures, we’re not about to be outdone by some grocery store selling “Semiquincentennial Hot Dogs.” We’re taking patriotism off-road—literally. Independence Day may be in the rearview, but the 250th year lasts a full 12 months, so you’ve still got time to strap in, get filthy, and show the founding fathers you’re doing your part.
Here, in no particular order (because order is for people who don’t own winches), are 24 gloriously over-the-top ways to celebrate America’s big 2-5-0 on the trail:
- Every four-wheeling trip must cover at least 250 miles. That includes the drive to the trailhead. If you’re not burning 250 miles round-trip, you’re basically just parking in a prettier neighborhood. Real patriots escape civilization like it owes them money.
- 250 ounces of beef jerky minimum per trip. Man cannot live on trail mix alone. Stock up like you’re preparing for the next Revolutionary War—except this time the enemy is boredom and low blood sugar.
- 250 M&M’s for the tough trails. The Rubicon will test your soul. Counter it with pure chocolate courage. Bonus patriotism points if you buy the giant Costco bag and mutter “bulk purchasing is the American way” while loading it.
- At least $250 in cash. Because when your axle snaps in the middle of nowhere, the local tow guy doesn’t take Venmo, Apple Pay, or your charming personality. Cash still speaks louder than your Starlink.
- 250 quarters. For car washes, sketchy campground showers, and that one vending machine that somehow still works in 2026. Pro tip: Use the quarters before the solar-heated shower runs out and you’re screaming like a founding father in a cold bath.
- 250 spare nuts and bolts in both metric and SAE. Throw in fuses too. Nothing says “I respect the Constitution” like being prepared for mechanical mutiny.
- 250 inches of spare radiator hose. That’s plenty to fix the radiator, heater hoses, and maybe MacGyver a belt if things get truly biblical.
- 250 inches of 14-gauge wire. Same logic. Electricity is freedom. Running out of it in the desert is tyranny.
- A 250-watt portable solar panel. Your fridge, Starlink, phone, electric blanket, and late-night popcorn popper all demand tribute. Be the sovereign energy nation your vehicle deserves.
- 250 OTC items in the first aid kit. Pain pills, Rolaids, Band-Aids, sunscreen, Pepto, Benadryl, Dramamine—the full arsenal. Because nothing ruins a patriotic trip faster than realizing you’re out of remedies after that third helping of Dutch oven chili.
- 250 waterproof matches. Enough for you, your buddy who “forgot,” and the inevitable group sing-along that requires three attempts to light.
- Tent stakes at least 250 millimeters long (roughly 10 inches of pure American stubbornness). Windy nights shouldn’t turn your tent into a modern art installation.
- Cot rated to at least 250 pounds. Some of us are “big-boned patriots.” Make sure the furniture can handle the full Declaration of Independence.
- Coffee must take at least 250 seconds to brew. Four minutes for proper cowboy coffee. Anything less is un-American. This isn’t Europe.
- Steaks minimum 250 milligrams (about 8 glorious ounces). Wimpy steaks are for people who say “sorry” when someone bumps into them. We grill like we mean it.
- 250 charcoal briquettes per trip. You’ll burn through 25-30 per Dutch oven meal, and you will be baking pineapple upside-down cake at 9,000 feet because freedom deserves a cake.
- 250 grams of melted butter. Roughly half a pound. You’ll need it. Especially for that cake. And the steak. And the potatoes. Don’t question it.
- 250 milliliters of tequila per day. Perfect for Taco Tuesday in the desert. A 750ml bottle is basically a suggestion. Tequila cuts through trail dust better than the Constitution cuts through tyranny.
- Every campfire song or ghost story must last at least 250 seconds. None of this “Twinkle Twinkle” nonsense. We want epic. We want commitment. We want to regret our life choices at 2 a.m.
- 250 sheets of toilet paper per person. After Dutch oven chili and bacon breakfasts, this is not a suggestion. It’s a national security issue.
- 250 ounces of apple cider vinegar. Bears hate it. Spray everything. Your gear will smell like a salad, but at least you won’t become one.
- At least 250 words of wisdom at every drivers’ meeting. None of this “don’t be stupid” brevity. Give the full lecture. Impart knowledge like Jefferson on a bender.
- Bonus: Play “Stars and Stripes Forever.” at least 250 times in camp. Volume must not exceed local wildlife tolerance.
- Finally, smile in every photo like you personally signed the Declaration. Double points if you’re covered in mud, holding a wrench, and wearing a flag bandana like a pirate who loves liberty.
See? Celebrating 250 years of freedom has never been easier—or dirtier. Now get out there, break something expensive, eat too much, tell questionable stories, and make memories that would make the founding fathers simultaneously proud and mildly concerned.
God bless America. And God bless whoever invented the winch.
### (with help from AI) ###
Did you miss the previous articles?
2026
- 2026-06-12 Think Vehicle Security
- 2026-05-15 https://www.4x4training.com/w/spring-cleaning/
- 2026-04-12 Base Camp Or Cruising – Which Do You Select?
- 2026-03-25 Refresher: Handle Cold-Weather Medical Issues Properly
- 2026-02-12 Foul Weather Food
- 2026-01-16 Pack Spare Bolts and Nuts
Some Upcoming Events (click on the link for details)
August 2026
Just about out of time to sign up for the Rubicon trip.
August 10, 2026 Rubicon Adventure
August 22, 2026 Sand Dune Off-Road Driving – Oceano Dunes
August 23, 2026 Self Recovery Clinic – LA Area
September 2026
September 05, 2026 Labor Day Run
September 12, 2026 Tire Repair and Hi-Lift Mini Clinic – LA Area
September 19, 2026 Mini Clinic – Dutch Oven
October 2026
October 03, 2026 Getting Started Off-Road Driving – LA Area
October 04, 2026 Day 2 Getting Started Off-Road Driving – LA Area
October 04-05, 2026 Getting Started Two Day Package – LA Area
October 10, 2026 Winching Clinic – LA Area
October 16, 2026 Death Valley Adventure
October 17, 2026 AWD Off-Road Driving & Safety Clinic
73 KI6FHA
I hope to see you on the trails!
Tom Severin, President Badlands Off Road Adventures, Inc.
4-Wheel Drive School
310-613-5473
www.4x4training.com
Make it Fun. Keep it Safe.
If you find this information valuable, please pass it on to a friend. You can forward them the email. If you received a forwarded copy of this newsletter and would like to subscribe for yourself, go to: www.4x4training.com/w/contact-us.html and follow the instructions to join our mail list.
Want to Use This Article in Your Magazine, E-Zine, Club Newsletter or Web Site? You are welcome to use it anytime, just be sure to include the following author/copyright information: Tom Severin, 4×4 Coach, teaches 4WD owners how to confidently and safely use their vehicles to the fullest extent in difficult terrain and adverse driving conditions. Visit www.4x4training.com to develop or improve your driving skill.
Copyright 2026, Badlands Off-Road Adventures, Inc.
You must be logged in to post a comment.